Post by GH31 on Jan 23, 2013 12:21:51 GMT -5
Hello Saffie,
Thank you very much for the warm welcome.
Well...... where to start....
On 28th January 2008 (almost five years) ago I got a phonecall at my office from my wife to say she was separating from me. We had had a really tough few months beforehand - I had always been verbally abusive, selfish and angry but in those months leading up to the breakup I had really upped the ante.
Sure enough, I got home and all of her things and herself had gone. Just a note saying I had let her down with all the important things in life. She was right. I had been a dreadful husband and she really did have to leave.
Losing her was a living hell for me. It was like being sucked out of a fog that I had been in for most of my life. All of a sudden it dawned on me just how cruel I had been to her, to my wife and to other people in my life whom I loved i.e. my younger sisters whilst I was growing up. I've always been close to my sisters but every now and again I would have a flare up and say the most cutting and spiteful of things to them.
It was like being hit by a freight train. I was overcome with crushing grief, shame, guilt and remorse.
A few days later I swore to myself that I would change, grow up and become a real man. I promised myself that I would do whatever it took to save my marriage. More importantly, I reasoned that I couldn't be sure whether I would stay married to my wife, but that I had about 50-60 years of living left to do (I was 31 at the time). I wanted to change for me so that I would never hurt anyone I loved again or invite this kind of horror into my life ever again.
I immediately got stuck into the internet and ordered John Gottman's book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. I realised that I had done literally everything wrong.
A long story followed.
I discovered W had an OM when I went to "surprise" her at an airport. I never saw him and asked my W to come with me, but she didn't. That is by far the worst day of my life, ever. Bar none.
After that I found DivorceBusting and Michele Weiner-Davis, registered there as GH31 and that's when the real odyssey began.
To make a long story short, I endured about 1½ years of utter Hell but ultimately got back together with my wife.
We had a son in December 2009 and another baby (beautiful little girl) in November 2010.
It has been a long and very hard road. There were many times when I wanted to quit and thought that having her back was a Pyrrhic victory.
But five years later I am very grateful for my marriage, my beautiful little children and the passage of time.
I have read countless articles, followed thousands of "sitches" (especially those of men who recovered their marriages) and read about 20 books on marriage.
I took the best out of all of them and applied them to my own life.
I am ashamed of the man I used to be (really, really am) but am grateful for the hard lessons life threw at me so that I could evolve.
Thanks for reading!
GH31
Thank you very much for the warm welcome.
Well...... where to start....
On 28th January 2008 (almost five years) ago I got a phonecall at my office from my wife to say she was separating from me. We had had a really tough few months beforehand - I had always been verbally abusive, selfish and angry but in those months leading up to the breakup I had really upped the ante.
Sure enough, I got home and all of her things and herself had gone. Just a note saying I had let her down with all the important things in life. She was right. I had been a dreadful husband and she really did have to leave.
Losing her was a living hell for me. It was like being sucked out of a fog that I had been in for most of my life. All of a sudden it dawned on me just how cruel I had been to her, to my wife and to other people in my life whom I loved i.e. my younger sisters whilst I was growing up. I've always been close to my sisters but every now and again I would have a flare up and say the most cutting and spiteful of things to them.
It was like being hit by a freight train. I was overcome with crushing grief, shame, guilt and remorse.
A few days later I swore to myself that I would change, grow up and become a real man. I promised myself that I would do whatever it took to save my marriage. More importantly, I reasoned that I couldn't be sure whether I would stay married to my wife, but that I had about 50-60 years of living left to do (I was 31 at the time). I wanted to change for me so that I would never hurt anyone I loved again or invite this kind of horror into my life ever again.
I immediately got stuck into the internet and ordered John Gottman's book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. I realised that I had done literally everything wrong.
A long story followed.
I discovered W had an OM when I went to "surprise" her at an airport. I never saw him and asked my W to come with me, but she didn't. That is by far the worst day of my life, ever. Bar none.
After that I found DivorceBusting and Michele Weiner-Davis, registered there as GH31 and that's when the real odyssey began.
To make a long story short, I endured about 1½ years of utter Hell but ultimately got back together with my wife.
We had a son in December 2009 and another baby (beautiful little girl) in November 2010.
It has been a long and very hard road. There were many times when I wanted to quit and thought that having her back was a Pyrrhic victory.
But five years later I am very grateful for my marriage, my beautiful little children and the passage of time.
I have read countless articles, followed thousands of "sitches" (especially those of men who recovered their marriages) and read about 20 books on marriage.
I took the best out of all of them and applied them to my own life.
I am ashamed of the man I used to be (really, really am) but am grateful for the hard lessons life threw at me so that I could evolve.
Thanks for reading!
GH31
