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Post by Pumpkincat on Jan 30, 2012 23:03:26 GMT -5
yes i sure do wayne wanna see
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Post by GonnaGoBlind on Feb 17, 2012 16:07:58 GMT -5
Mojo is DEFINITELY around, she's a major Force Majeure here, lol. She goes by MoxoMod now, though (are you surprised?). CeMar has popped in from time to time, but I haven't seen him in a while. There's a few others here you might remember... JourneysJoy (InHerJourney), HapHazard (not sure if you "knew her when"), Baltoman (I think he's from the old days), and a number of others. It'll seem like old home week, lol. For my latest pictures, look towards the most recent pages of "Colleen - In Her Own Write" - there's a Before and After on page 13. Otherwise, there are a couple of threads with pictures in The Powder Room (the Clothes thread, I think)... AtlDave, You might remember me too. I was GonnaGoBlind on SSM. I'm not here as often as I used to visit SSM.
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Post by grimace on Dec 7, 2013 21:49:49 GMT -5
hello! im not sure if people are still active on this forum, but i just wanted to register and look around and read what you guys have to say! it's cool to find a forum to just relate to some indepth issues that everyone faces in their own unique way. i myself have lost alot of momentum in life so i hope i can find some advice here! thanks and see you guys around
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Post by -IC on Dec 7, 2013 23:54:58 GMT -5
Welcome! Yes, this is still an active forum....albeit a mostly private one. It's a small group, but a tight knit and highly supportive one. A new member is quite limited on what they can view but once we get to know you a bit, your status can be upgraded to full membership. I'm sure some of the regulars will stop by and welcome you as well.
-IC
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Post by Baltoman on Dec 8, 2013 9:34:48 GMT -5
Hello grimace! As IC said this is a fairly small group. I have been here with these people for about eight years now. Wow! That looks strange when I type it. This started off as a "save your marriage" forum but has slowly evolved into a general life situation forum, mainly as people either put their marriages back together or had them finally come apart. The people here are great, I hope you hang around long enough to get to know them.
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Post by Saffie on Dec 8, 2013 16:20:00 GMT -5
Hi grimace,
Welcome to our group. We would love to know a bit more about you.
I hope you keep posting and we are able to let you into the full member's area.
How did you find us?
Best wishes
Saffie
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Post by grimace on Dec 10, 2013 5:45:49 GMT -5
thanks for the warm welcomes! it's quite fascinating to know about the history of this forum going from a marriage typed forum to elevate into broader topics. im also amazed at how this community has been together for 8 years or more, wow! sadly, im only a young adult and i have not experienced marriage yet so sorry for not being able to supply advice . anyways, to saffie, i really dont know how i found this forum. i just thought of googling up forums to get to read about specific topics dealing with real life situations. eventually, i stumbled on this link and i joined because there arent many forums like yours! im not sure, i initially hoped to find places that talked about depression or relationship (somewhat like marriage?).
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OG_Lou
Full Member
Posts: 3,287
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Post by OG_Lou on Dec 10, 2013 16:51:30 GMT -5
Grimace, I have been in the group for 9 years. It was a larger group but some people moved on.
We don't look for all that much advice so when you say you don't have much experience, that is OK. Most of the time we just read a person's post and make comments about how the post sounds to us and what we might consider. Most of the posters have read many books about relationships, how to have a richer life, and books concerning each individual's struggles.
What is your situation regarding depression or relationship. Please post a little about your actual life situations and feelings. Nothing too revealing is required.
Have you posted on other forums we could read, if so where? I would like to know your situation a little better.
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Post by Saffie on Dec 11, 2013 5:57:55 GMT -5
grimace,
We talk about everything and anything to do with life and our own lives, and we try to offer support to one another.
How old are you? It would be really nice to have some new and younger views on things.
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Post by grimace on Dec 13, 2013 10:00:13 GMT -5
oh hey guys . sorry i couldn't get back to you guys earlier due to my exam week. it's nice that you guys only ask to be listeners about someone's life and try to apply any advice if necessary!to OG_Lou, as a matter of fact, i have been in two forums before: one having shut down and the other, as just a casual reading. nothing too serious, never would i post anything personal on those forums because it's just leisure haha . anyhow, i'm actually 19; not too young and not too old but i find myself more mature than most. well what i find that i struggle most in my life is being too much of a pushover, to not know how to say no or let people exploit me. it has mostly taken full effect and made me realize how much people just selfishly would benefit off my natural want to help or be selfless. it seems so plain in sight to just oppose those people who only hurt me, but i fall for it each time, only to hate myself more and wishing i had a stronger back bone sometimes .
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OG_Lou
Full Member
Posts: 3,287
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Post by OG_Lou on Dec 13, 2013 22:32:22 GMT -5
Many times life deals up a problem. The quick advice, and I know it is sometimes difficult to learn, is to put on your own oxygen mask first, which implies you have to be able to handle your own issues before you should be helping others. In the long run you teach others how to treat you and they learn what they can get away with when you don't set limits. Some popular books (yes the members have read tons of books) are the co-dependency books "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie and "Boundaries" by Henry Cloud, and John Townsend, and my favorite man's book "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert A. Glover Check out www.nomoremrniceguy.com/ There is a good forum there at www.nomoremrniceguy.com/forums/Remember there is a difference between taking care of yourself by saying no and being rude. You can self care and build a better relationship with others. When you do too much for others, most people lose respect for you.
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Post by GreenBlue on Dec 14, 2013 8:40:47 GMT -5
Hey Grimace There is a ton of information out there as Lou said over how to handle feeling like you can't stand up for yourself. Some of it is very good some of it is very counterproductive. As Lou said we tend to read a lot around here so I'll add my personal recommendations that someone in your situation should read.
I'll second No More Mr Nice Guy by Robert Glover its a great book dealing with the psychological reasons why sometimes guys are TOO nice.
A young guy like yourself should read the Way of Men by Jack Donovan. You may not agree with everything in this book, but it shows how guys no longer cultivate the traits that would fulfill them as men. Chances are if you describe yourself as a pushover there are positive manly traits which you could develop that will earn you the respect of your peers, and make you feel more accomplished.
Finally because relationships add spice to life I recommend visiting doctornerdlove.com the guy that runs this site breaks down the basics of creating attraction in a "healthy" way that is respectful of everyone involved. A great place to learn how to cultivate romantic relationships without all the hate/misogyny/misandry of other places.
I'm sure I can think of more, but these are probably the ones that will be most relevant to you right now. If you read some and would like to discuss them on the board I'd be more than glad to discuss them with you.
Also if you have particular issues you would like advice on, don't be afraid to post about them. We are a very helpful bunch.
GB
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Post by grimace on Dec 17, 2013 18:09:55 GMT -5
Thanks a lot OG_Lou and GreenBlue! It's greatly appreciated that you suggested some good reads to find some remedy . Like most people, we all encounter both of people: ones who appreciate aid and would love to owe some sort of thanks; then there are the ones who just take and believe that others are a source of unlimited support. I guess that I've experienced more of ungrateful people in the past few years and it's just a bit tiring always being completely selfless and not at least getting a "thank you" in return :/. Or just being simply appreciated and not objected as some sort of "go-to-tool" sort of aspect. But I've always been one to get comfortable with darker feelings and have learned much from them. Especially since I study away from home at a university where everyone's completely a stranger, I've actually went into solitude quite often and alienated myself from people. And friends or others who actually see my worth stay with me through the rough times when I just shut myself out from the whole world. Those people are worth it in the end and it helps me filter out the people who weren't willing to wait because I wasn't available for them to exploit. It does seem very abusive in a sense to myself and not the least bit most optimal, but I do admit it's the most comfortable method, especially in a university environment where you can easily lose balance between schoolwork and social life and also feel the loneliest even if you are surrounded by intoxicated people haha.
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Post by GreenBlue on Dec 21, 2013 5:28:37 GMT -5
Grimace You seem to stress out a lot over other people's "selfishness". You have very high expectations of them, and when they don't pan out you are very disappointed with them and the world in general.
This is no way to go through life.
All people at some level are selfish, you yourself are exhibiting some of that in your belief that other people fall in line with your expectations. This will never happen. They will always be them, and you will always be you. You can't control them, you can only control how you choose to react to them.
I hope you have read some of the books I recommended. When you act nice towards other and they don't return the favor you are creating a covert contract. The deal is you are nice to them, and they are nice to you. When they break their end if the bargain, you get upset because you expect them to reciprocate.
You may believe you mean well, but really you are being manipulative.
It's kinda of a hard theoretical concept to explain especially over a short post. We could probably help you out more if you posted specific instances of your life where you felt taken advantage of. Many of the posters here are experienced in such manners and we could provide better advice if you are more specific. It would also help us get to know you better.
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